When extending an Olive branch, ensure they don't jab you with it!

 

There's the old sayings about being the "bigger person" by "extending the olive branch" to someone you have fell out with. Well, recently, I was reminiscing, (I'm 40 so I'm at the age where reminiscing and reflecting on past events and actions is commonplace), and decided to do just that; firstly I apologised to those that I felt needed an apology that was overdue and they were predictably lovely about the whole thing and it was a nice feeling knowing they were ok. 

Secondly, I extended an olive branch to someone,  (who shall remain nameless as it matters not who they are, that's not the point of this blog!), we had fell out years ago and then things had been ok afterwards but "frosty", (not from my end I hasten to add, I'm not that malicious), so I figured, even though I knew I'd end up with "egg on my face", (or should that be an olive!), it was a nice thing to do. I would gain nothing from this other than maybe a chat for a bit and knowing the past is in the past. 

Just for context, the original disagreement was just that - a minor disagreement, this was nothing "deep", genuinely. I never painted myself as a victim or made a huge deal over it and although when asked about it I would always tell the absolute truth - I just let it fizzle out naturally, knowing squabbles tend to do just that, especially amongst family and friends.

So, back to the story in hand; the olive branch was extended and then thrown right back in my face. I was told in no uncertain terms that they simply have no desire or "time" to even chat. 

Am I angry? No. Am I upset? Not really. Am I surprised? Not at all. I knew this would be the response so completely expected it. I suppose the only emotion I can muster up is possibly disappointment that I was proven right as there is always a slight chance my gut feeling is off. 

You may think that because of this happening, I would advise others to never reconnect with those who have wronged you or upset you - but you would be wrong, it is always worth it. In life you will fall out with some people, and there will be those who embrace you back in their lives, make time to see you, missed you maybe. Then there will be those who wont, who will relish the opportunity to throw it back in your face, whether to try to intentionally embarass or upset you, maybe to have one over you, whatever the reason. Don't stress about it, the ones who care will be glad to hear from you, they will always be there no matter what, they are the ones who cared all along. It merely highlights those who were actually genuine and cared to begin with. Of course, there are situations where feelings get irreversibly hurt and that's different, but even in those situations problems can be resolved eventually. 

I definitely advise you to do it before it's too late, I have seen many, many times when someone has sadly passed away and at their funeral, former friends or estranged relatives have popped up crying yet haven't had a good word to say about them for years and years. It is much better to do it whilst both parties are around to enjoy it. 

So, on reflection, I don't regret it. The person involved, (who I've gone to pains not to give any details about), may read this and feel angry I've mentioned it in a blog, but that's ok too. Just as they are entitled to their opinions and actions, as am I. I enjoy writing blog posts as I find it easier putting my thoughts down and also there is always that slight chance that someone reading this is experiencing a similar situation and feeling bad, anxious or sad about it and it may help to know they are not alone. 

I've said many times before that, in general, my friends are closer to me than most of my family so this "happening" merely strengthens my belief in that. That's not to say I don't have family I'm really close to as I do, (you know who you are), but families are complicated, and it's this that has alienated me a bit from the general concept of a  "loyal family"). 

As some of you know, I have two sons and if they ever fall out, I know they would sort it out as they are very close as not only are they brothers, they are friends. I have the same relationship with some of my nieces, nephews and siblings - if I wasn't related to them then I would want to be their friend as they mean a lot to me. Funnily enough, my oldest sibling and I had a minor falling out years ago and when we spoke again, they were warm, friendly and had never stopped caring and the feeling is mutual. 

So, reach out but also don't feel too bad at the response you get if it's negative - you're the bigger person for taking that risk, so it doesn't reflect badly on you. 

(P.s. I say this hasn't bothered me but it's 2am and I'm typing this, so it may have a little bit. I suffer from anxiety anyway though, so it could just be that)