Time for honesty...

 I'm not sure if I have any followers of this blog, or indeed if I have anyone following anything I do online. This isn't a bitter statement, I have definitely wound down on what I post online; there was a time I was posting things daily, be it a whiteboard quote, a national day post or a silly video of me singing, I was active online.

I had reached the stage where I had nothing left to say or to give, my offline world wasn't tallying up with the all-singing and dancing online vibe. I kind of had an epiphany one day and so I stopped. I stopped posting, I had an online "friends cull" that I had heard so much about, (deleting those from my friends list who weren't really friends), I stopped trying to please everyone and instead focused on the important things in life - my family and genuine friends.

I'm lucky in that respect, I am blessed with having some amazing family and friends, I have found my tribe, I know who is genuine and who is not. I can honestly say hand on heart that I truly love and appreciate each and every person who I consider family or friend, (which is the same thing in my mind, I am nothing if not committed to those I care about).

I feel as though I am currently my most authentic, genuine self and herein lies the point of this blog...

With A.I. being ever more present, filters being used left right and centre and folks pretending to be something they're not online...can we just stop the insincerity? Newsflash - you look absolutely fine as you are, you don't need filters. You don't need to pretend to be something you're not as the person you are is the reason those around you love you. Being authentic in an increasingly superficial, cold world is so important - which leads me nicely onto fake personalities...

Very recently I discovered a very upsetting revelation; someone who I truly regarded as a friend, an amigo, someone I thought I could trust implicitly was gossiping about me behind my back. This hurt, not only because I have been there for this person through thick and thin, helped them out, laughed with them, listened to them, supported them, done everything a friend should do for them but this also hurt because they lied. They lied to me by pretending to be a friend when in fact they didn't hesitate to bad mouth me to others, (luckily I have good friends who back me up and let me know). This highlights the importance of being honest, they never gave me any hint that they disliked me or were planning on exchanging our friendship for the chance to gossip. Looking back, there were signs, for example; I had noticed they never really checked in on me when I was low or quiet, (like I did when they were), but figured they were always busy, (even though when they said they were too busy to do something with me, but then did the same activity with a different friend, I just accepted it as they have their reasons). I also acknowledged to myself they only reached out when they needed something. I guess I just believed they were telling the complete truth and never felt I needed to question it. 

Deception and betrayal hurts. I lost someone who I really thought was a genuine friend and not, as it turned out, someone who was just using me as a "stop gap" until someone better came along. They didn't even consider how it would make me feel hearing that and that's not what friends do. The dumbest part is I have no intention of confronting them as I wouldn't want to upset them because I care about them, they are going through their own problems and I would hate to add to it. Plus, despite everything...I miss them! From my perspective we had some laughs together. They will never read this as they are no longer on any of my online friends lists and, (like I said), I furmly believe they were never really that interested in me as a person. 

This poses another dilemma however - by not confronting them am I being insincere? Maybe, but then again, silence is better than upsetting someone sometimes. I am taking a step back from being the friend who chases others, I'm told it can be very revealing, I guess time will tell. I have a few friends who text me almost daily and if I were to not text them - I know they would check to make sure all was ok. 

As I mentioned above though, I know I'm really lucky to have mainly genuine connections now, those I class as my closest family and friends are easily some of the most genuine people you could meet and it's so refreshing! Other than the one or two who have tricked me over the years, I'm pretty good at sensing those who are truthful and genuine, but in this day and age it certainly gets trickier to spot who is merely using you and who is real. I've had a few people over the last few years who have turned out to be not who they claimed to be and, (whilst I accept I may be naive about people's intentions), it has altered my viewpoint, I am a bit more cynical and wary of others. If everyone was just honest though, imagine how nice the world would be. 

So, what are my credentials you may ask, how do I ensure I remain honest? What makes me believe I can speak from authority? Well, it's quite easy really. When I tell family and friends how much they mean to me, I truly mean it. I use words that I stand by, (not just for effect), so words such as "wonderful", "I love that/you", "amazing", "beautiful" or "sorry" are all genuine emotions and thoughts that I have. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't hide my flaws, I answer everyone truthfully. I help others not for any other reason than to help them, I love seeing those I care about happy so will bend over backwards to make that happen. I may look like an ogre but I am quite open about my emotions when it comes to my nearest and dearest, I am fiercely loyal and my actions back that up. 

As humans, we are all odd really, with our quirks and foibles, nobody should feel the need to hide them behind facades or filters. You are all beautiful humans as you are, cliche as it sounds; beauty really does come from within. If you have a good soul, it shines through, I promise you.

So, in summary - let's get back to being genuine, honest and don't let the fakeness of the world dictate what you should look like or where you should be in your life. The world's mad enough without all that nonsense.