Time wasting or time well spent?

 

I'm currently on my summer holidays, and despite having just had a thoroughly lovely week off last week and still having another whole eight days off before I have to return to work I find myself worried! 

Now, this isn't a depressing blog post, (which I'm aware I sometimes have a tendency for), in fact it isn't even a moany blog post; I just thought I'd put down in writing what is rattling through my old noggin, (I know some of the more pedantic of you may say that this isn't writing, this is text, but to you I say check out my many diaries, there is enough writing in there to justify the above statement), maybe some of you may have encountered this same phenomena and I wont feel quite as much as an oddball! 

So, like I said above; so far I've had a truly wonderful time in London with some of my closest friends, had a perfect beach day with family, I've met up with friends for coffees, chats and laughs, enjoyed the weather, late night film marathons, early morning strolls, spent quality time with people I adore, seen some family members, slept outside in a tent most nights, got some reading and writing in...essentially it's been a fun week. You would therefore be justified in wondering why on earth am I worried!? 

I'm worried because time is flying by...and yes, I'm fully aware of the saying that "time flies when you're having fun" but if it could slow down a tiny bit then that would be great. I'm worried because I still have friends I want to see especially and things I would like to do before the reality if work kicks in. I'm also fully aware that my best friend and I literally made a list of things we hoped to do over summer and at least two of those things will happen this week, in fact that is a large chunk of the problem gone once they are underway. 

Other concerns I have are that I'm wasting time relaxing!?! I know! Holidays are literally for relaxing, but what if I'm relaxing wrong?! How would I know!? Then of course there is the ever-present worry that I'm not providing; I constantly feel fatigued by the financial pressure when summer holidays come round and I can't afford to take my family away on a lavish holiday, (even though they have all stated many times they are that fussed and day trips are better). 

The very last worry on my list of worries is that my friends are wasting their time when they choose to spend any part of their day with me; this isn't a srlf-pitying stance but a very real concern of mine that I'm not providing a fun enough time for them and they are essentially wasting their summer spending an afternoon traipsing about with me, even though I'm having a great time in their company - I can never be sure of their perspective! I also want to make it very clear thst I don't say this as a tool to get compliments or reassurances, just stating how ridiculous my brain is at times. 

Here's the thing - the positive of all of these worries is that they are just that; worries, concerns, anxieties. They aren't fact and whose to say that without them I would be a completely different person and REALLY intolerable to hang out with,  (because that would indicate an inflated ego), so I'm ok with having the odd worry here and there, it's part of me unfortunately. I may be hard work but I do genuinely mean well, I am very concious of others precious time and enjoyment - it's not necessarily a bad thing...right? 

The march of time is daunting but there is a beautiful saying by Nathaniel Hawthorne; 

"Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind"

We are all essentially memory vessels, here for a bit to have fun, love those around us and enjoy life and as we do so we are storing memories - not just for ourselves but for friends and family.

Anyway, I'm sure some of you have stopped reading or are rolling your eyes at this half baked philosophy, so that'll do for now. If you are a friend reading this and we're meeting up soon - I'm thoroughly looking forward to it, genuinely! 

Now, I must go, I have to go alphabeticalise my book shelf or something...thanks for taking the time to read this; the irony isn't lost on me that by reading this I have taken up some more of your time...