Low self confidence may actually be a good thing!
However, what if this isn't a bad thing? Nobody likes someone who is over-confident, cocky and smug. That's nauseating to say the least, it usually goes hand-in-hand with narcissism. Is there a balance between the two extremes? Yes, probably, (and also this is in no way a dig at naturally confident people - you do you, no judgement here, it's admirable that you aren't as neurotic and insecure as myself), but I think my lack of self-belief is weirdly one of my strengths, here are a few positives to my disposition...
Due to my lack of confidence I don't really care what others think of me so I'm happy posting dumb videos online of myself badly singing, dressing up in weird attire and various other things that may make me look ridiculous. People seem to enjoy these posts so that's the first positive of my low self esteem; I am possibly more entertaining?
The second positive is that due to my own crushing anxiety and insecurity I want to cheer others up who may feel the same way. If I know someone is feeling low, I try to help them, I chat to them, listen to them and cheer them up because nobody should feel like they are alone. I think I'm a generally nice person, I care about others more than myself which I would argue is the right way to be. I've been told I'm very empathic, which is fine by me - I'm ok feeling low but I hate others feeling that way. I think lack of self-confidence is a recurrent theme with empaths, or at least most of the ones I know or have encountered, it's a shame really but perhaps needed to be an empath? I'm not sure really but it's a theory.
Third positive of low self esteem is that I would never shout over someone else, I would never vie for attention, choosing instead to just be a casual observer at the back of the room. The world needs "wallflowers" to operate. I always step in when there is wrongdoing going on obviously and always stand up for myself and others when the occasion requires it but otherwise I'm happy just being present. Not everyone should dominate the room, some would benefit from quietening down a bit and giving others the chance to speak.
Fourth positive - humility. Thanks to the lack of confidence in myself, I have humility in abundance. Low self-esteem can make people more humble which can lead to better relationships and stronger bonds generally I feel. I always consider others points of view and I'm extremely appreciative of those who are kind to me...which brings me onto the next positive...
Gratitude! I am extremely grateful for anything I am given; be it somebody's time, (in fact somebody spending time with me is one of the highest compliments there is), gifts, cards, notes, smiles, hugs - anything. I appreciate it all - yes, it's true that I feel unworthy to receive anything but that's why I am so grateful. This also plays a key component in my really strong friendships and relationships with others. I am so grateful to anyone who gives me the time of day that I am fiercely loyal and protective of them. Once you're confirmed as my friend I will have your back, (unless you do something phenomenonally awful of course).
Another pro is that I have very low expectations so if anything turns out well then I'm buzzing because I always expect the worst. I struggle on my birthday for example because l've not really ever celebrated it as it's never seemed to be a cause for much celebration. Not in a bad or grumpy way, I just feel it's just another day and kind of a speed bump to Christmas. My birthday is fast approaching and I have literally zero expectations so this takes any pressure off my family or friends and that in itself is a huge positive surely. You forget my birthday? I'm 100% ok with that and it doesn't even register so no need for anyone to feel bad. Obviously when someone wishes me happy birthday or gives me a card or gift I am extremely grateful because it's nice folks are thinking of me and want me to have a good birthday, it's a nice feeling to be cared about. I class this in the same bracket as others religions and beliefs - I may not subscribe to their particular faith but when they have offered prayers for me in rough times, it's nice and I appreciate their kindness regardless.
Another positive to low self esteem and confidence is that it takes the sting out of insults! I cannot really be offended because anything hurled at me I most probably will agree with. I happily laugh at myself and therefore never really take things too personally. I am painfully aware of my flaws so if someone points one out I'm actually impressed how observant they are. You have to admit, as a defence strategy it is flawless and it really has served me well thus far.
Also there is research that has found that people with low confidence and mild anxiety may have more white matter in their brain, which can speed up mental processes so there is that too. It's not all just sadness and feeling lonely 90% of the time, our brains are full of white matter, hurrah!
Even aspects that could be construed as negatives I would argue they are actually positives; overthinking for example. Sure, I can drive myself mad thinking whether or not sonething I have said or done may have caused offence, deleting messages I've sent and status updates I've posted, even regretting letters I've sent out due to the clunky wording, (for example just this month when I posted my Christmas cards, I posted one thanking someone for their kindness and have been worried they may think I'm a complete psycho as it's not the done thing nowadays to randomly send cards with messages of sincere thanks), BUT surely that's better than me being thoughtless and just not caring about others? I'd take overthinking over thoughtlessness any day.
So I guess what I'm saying is that if you also have low self confidence or feel bad that you don't see what others see in you - it's ok, it takes all sorts to make a world and there are places for all of us in society. I've spent years trying to "fix" my low confidence and self esteem but what if it isn't meant to be fixed, it may just be how I'm wired. Let's hear it for those of us who are ok with being ourselves in all our humble, confidence-lacking, anxious, self-questioning, overthinking selves!
(P.s. I am however confident that nobody would have read this far, it was longer than I intended...maybe I should edit it again)
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