Pandemic meanderings...

 

This photo was taken back in 2020, the covid pandemic had taken hold and I had grown a beard, having told people that I would shave it off once covid had gone away! Morale around the globe was low and to try to spread a bit of joy I began posting daily videos and posts on social media to cheer folks up. I then started also doing daily whiteboard quotes and sharing them wherever I could, just to make someones day more upbeat. As a final act of defiance against the depressing world events I did a load of "virtual santa" videos for children who couldn't visit Santa's grottos. To the outside world, I was Mr happy-go-lucky, smiling whilst attempting to raise spirits all around me. The truth was actually much bleaker...

I actually grew a beard because I no longer cared about myself or how I looked. Since the start of the pandemic, (much like the rest of the globe), I was struggling; struggling to stay positive, struggling to keep afloat whilst everything around me was going to pot. My childrens school had changed over to online classes so they were at home with my wife, we weren't allowed to socialise and although my shifts stayed the same - my job changed due to working at one school as opposed to two and I was essentially working alone due to social distancing. I was missing friends and people I cared about immensely, I was probably the lowest I've ever been. I took out life insurance for the first time in my life and realised I was financially worth more dead than alive! I was scared, worried and my mental health dipped dramatically. Anxiety reared it's ugly head and, (coupled with a healthy dose of both paranoia and low self-esteem), I've yet to fully get back to the way I was before the pandemic mentally - I doubt I ever will completely. 

I was however lucky to have my wife and children at home, a best friend who I saw at work for a socially distanced coffee in the mornings on the shifts she was in and other friends who all kindly checked on us via messages, "care packages", texts, calls and via social media. They all got me through it all, without them I don't think I would've made it, genuinely. 

Whenever I think of that time, it almost triggers PTSD in me, I feel anxiety and sadness remembering how things were and just how scary the world seemed. I also feel guilt over making my children isolate when they caught covid when it  first hit our house, (even though that was the guidance so as not to spread to others). It was a genuinely awful time. 

Like I said, the above photo was taken in the midst of all that and although I wanted everyone else to be ok, I was not in a good place at all. I only mention all of this because I've just finished watching "Breathtaking" the drama about the pandemic and it got me thinking about just how hellish it was and also how much more hellish it must have been for hospital staff and carers. We should never ever forget that. They worked tirelessly and selflessly throughout, putting themselves in harms way during uncertain times because they cared about others.  

I was lucky that I was at minimal risk really and so I'm ok with sometimes feeling anxious or depressed. I'm ok with feeling sad when I don't get to see a friend or if I get paranoid when I'm told they can't meet up for a walk, etc. It is still a small price to pay for where we all are now with covid. Less people are dying, we can see each other, chat - hey, we can even hug one another if we want, (I've never been much of a hugger but lately I've had some hugs that I've actually needed!). 

The war that is going on currently is heartbreaking, especially so considering what the whole just went through a few years back. Spread love and kindness folks - the world needs it! 🫂