The perils of having spare time...
And that's kind of my point - things by and large do turn out ok in the end, however this doesn't mean we can't acknowledge when we are having "off days" or even days where smiling like a cheshire cat isn't likely. It also doesn't mean you are a grouch because you're not grinning from ear to ear constantly, we are all only human after all.
So, I've been off work for a week now and I've met up with a good friend, visited family and had a lot of lovely relaxing days. The weather has been superb so far and life is good generally. However, with all of the spare time I have struggled with sleep and therefore have been lost in my thoughts quite a bit, (tonight being no exception - hence this blog post).
The odd negative thought has crept in here and there - nothing major and mostly a passing thought. I've also been reminiscing about times gone by; friendships and interactions over the years and this has made me feel weirdly isolated and kind of lonely.
It's worth saying that this is completely ridiculous as I have some truly great friends who I would be lost without - Laura, Millie, Ash, Kara, Bod, Gemma, Trina, Kirstie, Wayne and Jam to name but a few, (there are a whole load of others but don't take your non-mention above as a dig, your friendship means a lot to me - again, my paranoia is kicking in as I type this), but I am just all of a sudden desperately craving interaction with friends.
It's a weird feeling; feeling lonely whilst actively seeing people you don't usually get the time to, not to mention that I have Rox and the boys at home too thankfully, which helps a lot. So why is my brain causing me late night melancholy, onnj
I went on a walk with a friend the other day and it was fantastic - sunny weather, lots of laughs and just a lovely walk in general. It was just what the doctor ordered! I've also made made plans to meet up with another friend next week and going for drinks with another so I'm not complaining at all - I shall get to socialise very soon after Easter.
I have always struggled with insomnia and alas, when I'm tired my anxiety flares up in the guise of insecurities which in this case have led me down the path of "am I boring?" And "I miss my friends". I then start to feel guilty about feeling melancholy and don't like to burden others so I do what most people do, (and have done for many years), and plaster a smile on and just get on with it - which is fine...as is admitting you are having an "off day", you do you!
So, what's the point of this blog post you may ask? Quite simple really - if you are feeling out of sorts, just remember it's perfectly ok, it will pass eventually...also, pro tip; 🤣if you don't want to feel old and rubbish, don't watch videos of yourself from 20 years ago when you weren't quite as old and out of shape, etc 😁
I will be fine i hasten to add, just venting really.
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