Melancholic musings

 

I get melancholy sometimes...

It's not a groundbreaking or unusual feeling really, I'm sure billions of people feel the same way. I struggle with keeping the sad thoughts at bay, so I can be happy and smiling one second and spiralling into a self-induced gloom the next, I've always felt this way for as long as I can remember. 

A doctor once diagnosed it as depression, but I dismissed this as, truth be told, I've known people with crippling depression and it felt almost disrespectful to place myself in that same bracket as them because whereas they struggle to even leave the house, I just feel intensely sad every now and then. 

Since this pandemic began things have been significantly worse, I think this is the case with most people around the globe. We are living in very strange times indeed, so it's hardly surprising that it has had a knock-on effect with people's mental health and general buoyancy. I know I definitely took a hit in this regards, I have been feeling gloomy a lot lately, sometimes it's taken 99% of my energy to even just "get up and go" because of the futility of it all. 

I suppose, if you're reading this, you may be wondering why I mention all of this? Sympathy? Advice? No, it's simple really, I think it is because nowadays it is ok to say that you're struggling, to say that some days things aren't great and the more people admitting this, then the better the world will be, knowing we're all in the same boat.

 This wasn't always the case, not by a long shot, "back in the day" it was always a "put up or shut up/ stiff upper lip" vibe, if you even mentioned you were struggling then you would be classed as a weak person. I often try to make others smile even when the last thing I want to do is smile, this may be overhang from this opinion. Some also say it is to prevent others from feeling sad themselves, I think I generally prescribe to this theory as I definitely don't want to be the cause of another's gloom, so if I can raise a smile, mission accomplished. 

Luckily nowadays everyone is actively encouraged to speak about their concerns and worries, which can only be a good thing. I think it is all too easy to think the world is getting worse day by day but in truth in certain ways, it really isn't, not in every aspect, mental health awareness is much better, (in my very limited interaction with getting any help/ counselling, it is seemingly much better, but I'm sure this may not always be the case, but I was impressed truth be told), everyone has issues of varying degrees, so don't be ashamed of them. 

My biggest critic is my own mind, I am in a constant state of inadequacy and stress and this is all because of my mind telling me to feel this way. In fact, even with this particular blog post, I kept publishing then unpublishing it due to my stupid mind. But it's ok, I know I'm not in a minority and it's all part of the human experience, embrace your flaws and all that jazz, (although never embrace jazz, blues is a far superior form of music, haha).

Please don't read into this as self-pity or a cry for help, it really isn't, it is merely an acknowledgement of my flaws, all of which make me the person I am; a melancholy, cheese-eating, coffee-drinking, self-critising, flawed, balding, bearded chap, hurrah!